mourning

The room choked with the tears and the darkness spread like smudged kohl in her eyes. The air swelled as the water filled her eyes again. Sometimes it became impossible to stop them. You should not cry in self pity, someone has said to her, and the remembrance of it made her feel guilty. She tried pacifying herself with the guilt. But it would just not stop, the voice of her crying became louder and she bent herself in prostration. While the submission provided relief it also felt as if her aching heart had stopped beating- may be that is what caused succour.

She lifted herself up and inhaled- a long lost breath. If someone were to see her like that it would seem as if she has lost someone to death. It is easier to appease the hurt and loss if God takes someone from you. To agree with God is the most comforting- probably because the lost cannot be found in this life; it is impossible to imagine their life after death. How should one mourn when someone wants to be lost to you? When someone doesn't feel the urge to be in your life anymore? Rejection in life is not unusual, but those who were rejected themselves and know the pain it causes, how do they gather the courage to hurt someone else in the same way and then pretend that they have a normal life?