Every time I pray I ask God to forgive me for my sins. From last few months the realization of being a sinner has become even stronger. Then last night as I was watching a movie it dawned upon me that I do ask God to forgive me but I haven't been able to forgive myself. For all the wrongs I have done to my soul. Making it believe that it was incomplete without a soulmate, when no such thing exists. Hurting it every time in the process of making someone else happy, helping, being there as much as I could despite the distance, opposing and ignoring my other loved ones, trying to change to become agreeable, and crying so much that when I wake up my eyes are swollen. I have been hurting myself incessantly.
Forgiveness- it becomes so difficult to give it to yourself. All this time I was trying to forgive someone who never even said sorry! Probably doesn't even realize the extent of the damage which has been done. But then why should I blame another person when I was involved voluntarily in something which has brought nothing but pain and regret.
It is difficult to forgive myself, the more I try to do it the more clearer I can see my faults. The wounds and scratches on my soul. It becomes even more difficult when people around you, who you love keep reminding you that it is all you fault. Yes it is all my fault. I read that as a human God made me so that I can commit mistakes and repent; I am told that God loves those who do. I do want forgiveness: from God, others whom I have hurt - knowingly or unknowingly and most of all from myself.
Forgiveness- it becomes so difficult to give it to yourself. All this time I was trying to forgive someone who never even said sorry! Probably doesn't even realize the extent of the damage which has been done. But then why should I blame another person when I was involved voluntarily in something which has brought nothing but pain and regret.
It is difficult to forgive myself, the more I try to do it the more clearer I can see my faults. The wounds and scratches on my soul. It becomes even more difficult when people around you, who you love keep reminding you that it is all you fault. Yes it is all my fault. I read that as a human God made me so that I can commit mistakes and repent; I am told that God loves those who do. I do want forgiveness: from God, others whom I have hurt - knowingly or unknowingly and most of all from myself.
It's very unfortunate to see the effects that this person has caused you. Though unintentional, the damage has been done. As humans it is only natural for us to make mistakes. Some of these mistakes leave people hurt and though I wish not, broken as well. Having gone through much of the same feelings that you went through I’ve come to understand a few things that I wish to share with you.
ReplyDeleteLove is full of its ups and downs, pleasures and pains, happiness and sadness, fortune and calamity. Sometimes this love can take on a life of its own and give us strength we never knew we had or hurt us in ways we never dreamt possible. But through it all, each time we learn who we are and what it takes to have a loving and fulfilling partnership.
The most important thing is to never lose sight of where we come from and who we are. Never change your morals to fulfill the life of another. In the same manner you should never undermine what you have to offer to this ever expanding universe. Never sell yourself short. As humans it is only natural for us to make mistakes. Yes, sometimes we get side tracked because we feel that we have found our soulmate but then come to realize otherwise. However, having survived each of these makes anyone a stronger person. Never forget how intelligent, caring, and beautiful you truly are. Never forget that any man would be the luckiest man to have someone like you in their life. To all people who you feel that have done you wrong, I sincerely apologize.
-MQ